Why does it take sad things.....

to make you realize what you have? I went to a viewing last night of our local pharmacist. He was such a loving man, kind to everyone. He had such a good family. He died of a massive heart attack at the age of 57. I walked out with my mom and dad, and I didn't even hug my dad or tell him that I loved him. What kind of person am I? I just watched 3 young adults hug everyone from our town, and I forget to hug my father who is ALIVE?! I am beating myself up pretty bad, but I think I deserve it. Randall called and I told him how I felt. He told me to just call him. I felt bad b/c they go to bed at 7 pm, and here it is 9 pm, but I did it and I feel so much better. There wasn't much said. I was in tears and when I am in tears, words don't come out easily. I just told him I was sorry it was so late, but I wanted to let him know that I loved him. I hope he knows how much he does mean to me. He wasn't always happy and cheerful growing up, but he is a great Pappy to Ruthie and that means everything to me. He is a good daddy. I remember his warm gentle hands. I remember him being there when Mom was mad at me for no reason. I know this may sound silly, but I needed to get this out. He means a lot to me, and I needed to tell him and I am so thankful that I didn't miss another day without letting him know.

The loss of one sweet girl....

I am having such a hard time today. I found out that a sweet little girl from my birth board passed away yesterday morning. Gosh.....it was hard to just type that out. I can only imagine how Erin felt telling us all. Words can't say enough. Nothing we do can make it all better. Jamie was kind enough to make us all a blinkie. I will leave it in my siggy for quite sometime. It's so hard to lose a loved one. So hard. I haven't had to deal with losing anyone close to me, so this hit me pretty hard. I never met her, but her smile was so bright, it would light up my day, everyday. Erin doesn't deserve this. I am thankful God just gave her a sweet little boy, but I am so sad he had to take her. Why? Why does this happen to people? I know that I shouldn't ask why. There is a reason for everything, but sometimes it is hard to deal with it. My heart is aching right now. I can only imagine how they are feeling.

I just wanted to hold Ruthie all day long. I think she knew something was up b/c she isn't a very snuggly girl, but she gave Mommy some sweet snuggles today. I can't imagine going through what Erin is going through. I have said lots of prayers for their family.

beginning

So, I am going to begin this blog, and hope that I continue to put my thoughts on here.

Life....sometimes it just plain sucks. Other times, it couldn't get any better. Ruthie is everything to me. She makes me smile, cry, laugh, and realize that I did something right in my life. I always feel like I am letting her down. I know that I am my worst critic, but I can't seem to see the positive things I do for her. I feel like I am never letting her have her house to herself. We always have kids here, and she isn't happy about it most of the time. She is hitting them, crying, and throwing some fits. I keep hearing it is just a phase, but when is it going to be over. I want her to be happy. I know she is happy, but some days she just has total meltdowns, and it breaks my heart. Gosh, I love her so much. She is asleep on the floor right now. Randall is working tonight, but at least it is his last night in.

Speaking of Randall. He is going through a tough time right now. He finally opened up and talked to me about it. He was so stressed, and of course, he kept it all bottled in. He finally told me, and I told him about how I just went through the same thing. We are both Christians, but not where we want to be on the path. We are working on getting there, but not always together. We have a lot of different views, but things are looking up. I explained to him that he needs to just open his heart up and give all his worries to GOD. I have finally learned to do so, and I hope he does too. Poor guy. He has so much on his plate, but he is such a wonderful father and husband. If you are reading this, please say a prayer for him. Thanks.