Tuesday, September 11, 2012

My hope is in You Lord

I am blessed beyond measures when it comes to this husband of mine.  He may drive me completely bonkers at times, but there are some times when he knows exactly what I need.  Today was just one of those days.  I was in a funk.  I get into funks quite often and sometimes, I get really, really down. I  won't sugar coat it, I am an emotional wreck.  I would NOT want to live with myself.  I would NOT marry myself. I am not the person I want to be.  I was just down today and I wanted nothing more than to crawl into my bed after the kids went to school and just lay there and cry.  But, life is in full swing and I had to get going.  I was in tears all morning.   Lunch time rolled around and I ran home to grab some lunch.  As soon as Randall saw me, he grabbed me and held me tight.  He knew exactly what I needed.  Yes, it sent me to tears, but I needed that hug so bad.  He knows I am down and he was there to pick me up.  I am forever grateful for him.  He knows just how to explain things to me to open my eyes.

I want to say that I fully trust God and always see the positive in everything and that I always have full faith.  I love it when my eyes are opened to see the full love of God.  I can sit her and tell you that I love God, I worship Him, and that He is my everything.  But, I am still a sinner.  I still fail Him.  I still don't understand why He loves me.  Today was a day when He opened my eyes to so much more.

As Randall holds me, he tells me that God has it all planned out. When He takes some things away, we can't cry and just give up as I was doing.  We have food, shelter, each other, and most importantly- God's love.  What else do we need?  Did I already know this?  YES.  Was I thinking this?  NO.  I was feeling all sorry for myself and letting material things get in the way.  God has me and will never let go.  Randall told me my hope and faith should be in Him and Him only.

As I drive back to work, God just put a song in my heart and again, made me realize how much He loves me.  Yes, things suck right now, but God is always right there....even through the sucky times.  My life is in You Lord, my strength is in You Lord, my hope is in You Lord!

Let me add that I know that what I am going through doesn't even begin to compare to what others are going through- cancer, adoptions, losing loved ones.  But, what makes God so awesome is it doesn't matter the severity, it just matters where your hope lies.  I am so thankful for the God I serve.  All I had to do was fall to my knees and ask for help.  Instead I laid there in self pity.  Thank you God for forgiving me.

I honestly don't know what I would do without a Godly husband.  He wouldn't have known just what to say.  My husband does because He serves God.  Thank you God for opening our eyes and pulling us back to You.


Our Family said...

(((HUGS))) to you both. I'm glad you have each other.

Becky said...

Smiling as I read this. I can so relate, the Lord blessed me so much with a Godly Husband too! It is truly a blessing!
Love that I can have a good cry on his shoulder and the world seems to get a little better for me. Or if I'm having a rough day I can call him and he will pray for me.
Praying things get better soon!