The hard part about my last post

is the fact that even though I know the information, it's so hard to put it into action.  I was thinking last night, why did I feel the need to post that?  Why did I feel the need to put my heart and personal life out in the open?  God answered me.  He made me realize that if we pretend all is well, and make people believe we have a perfect marriage, those who are struggling in their marriage won't even try to make it work.  They think that everything should be perfect, and if it's not, there is only one option- DIVORCE.  That is not true.  If you go into your marriage with God being the center, you CAN work it out.
When Randall and I got marriage, I am ashamed to say we weren't living a life that was honoring God.  We failed.  We barely even discussed our belief in God.  I thank God so much that He did have me marry a Christian.  We have turned our lives around.  We talk about God daily and we walk with Him daily.  The only kind of marriage that will work is a CHRIST-CENTERED marriage.  If you don't have Christ as your center, you will fail.  But, having Him as your center, does not mean you won't suffer.
Every morning, I have two beautiful ladies that I work with send out a text to start the morning off with God.  Here is what they said:
1) "Finishing the Work- It is better to finish something than to start it.  It is better to be patient than to be proud.  Ecclesiastes 7:8-- When you seek God's purpose for your life, you will experience your fair share of disappointments, detours, false starts, and failures.  When you do, don't become discouraged:  God's not finished with you yet.  Have faith that you play an important role in God's great plan for mankind-- because you do."  Again, another slap in the face.  Although I wrote that post yesterday, I struggled with being selfish again last night.  I cried myself to sleep, wondering how I can change and how I can fix myself, believing I basically failed.  This morning, this text comes through.  Think God had a hand in that?  Of course!  I was DOWN in the dumps this morning.  I wasn't smiling, I didn't want to talk to anyone.  This brought me up.
2) "My your heart find joy in trials knowing that there is not one thing you face without the hand of God.  Begin to see that burdens are a carefully laid plan to draw you closer, you will rejoice through the heartache that God cares enough to invest the time."  My trials last night, were drawing me closer to the Lord.  My tears made me depend on God instead of anyone else.  I always want to talk to someone.  When nobody listens, I get upset.  That's when I realize someone is ALWAYS listening.  God.  He's always there.
Just because your marriage my be rocky , don't give up.  Put Christ at the center, allow Him to work in your heart.

I am hoping to scan the paper I talked about in my last post and hopefully let it be a download.  I am not sure how to go about doing that, but I am going to try to figure it out.  I think it was such a blessing, and I want to pass along the blessing.

What I have learned

Marriage.  It all starts out as simple, fun, easy love right?  What does it grow into?  For some, divorce.  Others might have stress.  Some continue to stay in that perfect, over the moon love.  Others have to WORK to keep things going.  For Randall and I, it has taken work.  Do we love each other and always have?  OF COURSE!  That does not mean that we don't fall away from each other, get on each others nerves, and just nit-pick about everything.  In fact, this past year of marriage has been the hardest for me yet. I have and always will simply adore my husband.  In fact, I find it odd that this past year has been hard seeing that we have truly been blessed.  Randall has been called to serve God.  We stepped up and became youth leaders.  We have two precious kids who we love with all our hearts.  We both have decent jobs and a home.  What could be wrong?  LOTS.
To be honest, I felt as though we were just drifting along in marriage, not really focusing on US.  This is what happened once we had kids.  Are the kids to blame, no way.  But, we both realized we were working on parenting and our relationships with the kids, rather than both our relationships with the kids AND OUR relationship.
I have a very sweet lady that I work with hand over a piece of paper about marriage.  Her husband passed away, and she was going through some marriage books and found this simple piece of paper.  Who would have thought that a simple, old, folded up piece of paper would make such a difference?  I got to looking at it, and realized it was a questionnaire.  One side was full of questions the wife is supposed to ask her husband on what she is doing well, and what she is not doing so well when it comes to being a wife. The other side is the same, just for the husband to ask the wife what he is doing wrong/right.  To be honest, I took one look at it, and thought it would be a good thing for Randall to look at to see what I need.  All this time I thought I was being a really great wife and meeting all his needs.  Ha...what a smack in the face I got that night.   I finally grab him and we get to looking at it.  I told him to just be honest with me and answer the right.  Let me just say it hurt.  It hurt bad.  Words can't describe the pain it caused that night.  I went to bed just heart broken realizing that I have let down my husband.  Did I do everything wrong?  No, but I sure was doing a lot wrong that I felt I was doing right.  It was a humbling experience to say the least.
A few weeks before, I was thinking about how our relationship was not what it should be, so I bought the book Love Dare.  I am sure if you have seen the movie "FireProof", you know what I am talking about.  It's a 40 day journey, taking very small steps to improve your marriage.   It has taken my hard heat and softened it, and I am only 4 days into the journey.  I am not doing it daily, like it says, but I am taking it slowly and learning on how these simple steps mean so much.  One day was focused on selfishness.  This was the one that totally rocked my world.  All this time I had been focusing on what I need, convincing myself he has what he needs.   I sat him down, apologized and told him I see it now.  He said he wants to start making steps to be a better husband, but the one thing I am learning from the book is, by me making small steps to show him love and respect, he will in turn do the same, without thinking.  He knows I am reading it and trying.  It's not a secret.  Sometimes I think the world thinks that when a marriage needs work, it should all be hush hush. I don't believe that.  I used to think, why in the world are we suffering while we are serving God.  We can't let anyone know.  I have changed that outlook.  I am here to say, marriage takes work.  It's hard.  A woman's job is to allow him to be a leader, and be submissive.  
With that being said, I will leave  you with one verse I keep beside me.  
Proverbs 31:26- "When she speaks, her words are wise and kindness is the rule for everything she says."

I pray that whoever reads this blog (if anyone) realizes that marriage is a two way street.  It's so easy to point the finger, but just remember, you have four more pointing back at you.  Take time for each other.

Wondering and hoping

The future. I find myself thinking about the future a lot lately. Mainly b/c I look into my daughters eyes and know that time is going by so fast, it will never slow down. I do find myself worrying quite often b/c of things happening around here, bad things. I worry for her. But, what's most important is what is happening with her NOW. We have to teach her right, show her the way, and let her know that God is always with her. I can honestly say she loves the Lord. She is always talking about Him and she loves to pray for others. She has such a soft, soft heart.

Here's an awesome example: (this may seem silly to you, but if you would have seen her face....)
The other night, we had my niece, H. Ruthie totally adores H. She was very upset when she had to leave. Apparently H told Ruthie she would leave a note for her at our house. When we got home, I found the note. When I showed it to Ruthie, she teared up and said, "H didn't forget to leave me a note!" Se was so excited, she just cried. It made me cry. A simple note made her night. She loves to be loved!

I often find myself wondering what will our relationship be like. Will she trust me as a teenager? Will she keep secrets from me? Will she talk bad about me, and not want to be near me? Will she still love hugs in front of her friends? Will she want to be with me?

I find this age hard right now b/c she isn't sure if she wants to be grown-up, or if she wants to be a baby. It's hard. I hate admitting it, but it's rough. But, I know that in order to have a great relationship with my daughter, I have to understand this age.

What I mean is I really want a good relationship with Ruthie. It's so easy to get wrapped up in the world today, and not spend that quality time with your children. I worry that I will let other things get in the way. I just pray that she will lean on me through everything. That's what I meant.

I realize this is an odd post, but it's weighing on my mind. I love Ruthie so much. I know Randy is growing up fast too, but it's harder on me to watch Ruthie. She's my baby, and always will be. I adore her.

So, for this loooooonnnnngggg post, I added some of my most recent favorite pics of my sweet, precious, baby girl.