Still here...

Just way overwhelmed and way too busy!  Believe it or not, I am still kicking.  I have been down for the past week due to a dry socket, but I am on the road to recovery!

I have had many awesome things going on.  Mainly- tons of photo shoots!  You can slide on over to my photography blog and see some that I have completed!  www.qrsphotography.wordpress.com .  That's been my main reason for lack of blogging.

Another reason is Ruthie has been attending swim practice.  This is something I was super excited about!  She started off not really enjoying it too much.  I felt like a bad mom b/c I made her continue going.  She said it was soooo hard.  However, she didn't realize how much work it would be and she wouldn't pace herself.  She was giving it her all and totally wearing herself out!  She starting enjoying it around the third practice, but still would say it was hard.  She didn't want to quit though.  Today is our last practice.  I am a bit sad, but a bit happy b/c I am ready to come straight home after work instead of rushing!
Here she is learning how to float.

Here she is swimming on her back!  I was shocked at how fast she learned!  I don't know how to rotate the video...sorry!


Last weekend I had a very amazing opportunity to work with the Both Hands Project. My dear friend and her family has answered the call to adopt a sweet, precious soul from Honduras.  This little one has brown eyes that will MELT your heart!  With this project, we went in and helped a widow, in return for donations for the adopting family.  All proceeds go to the adopting family.  I pray that they raise some good money to help.  I was shocked to find out how much it cost.  With that being said, a child IS worth it.  They need them.  We worked all day and got quite a bit accomplished.  The family went back and finished what we started.  It was amazing seeing this kind widow, and giving to her something she may have never received   The project goes on the verse James 1:27 where God instructs us to look after widows and orphans. It was an awesome opportunity and I am so blessed to have helped alongside my friend, her family, my husband, my niece, and a great group of teens and adults!

Randall also had the chance to preach Sunday morning and night a sister-church in a nearby town.  I love seeing my man up there delivering God's Word.  He is doing amazing too.  It's awesome to see the Lord work through him.  I am blessed to be his wife!

Everything else is going well around here.  Super busy, but who isn't.  I am ready for the holidays b/c I missed out on some family time last weekend.  I am ready to see all my nieces and nephews.  I pray it doesn't take me this long to get back on, but if it does, I apologize.

Reminiscing & Missing

I grew up in a fairly large family.  I have two brothers and two sisters.  I am the baby.  My mom called me the caboose.  (Insert eye roll here!)  I used to be soooo embarrassed by that, but I have overcome that....maybe!
Growing up as the baby, my sisters were eleven and ten years older than me.  We weren't super close.  I suppose we were when I was a baby; my mom says Sue basically raised me! Thanks Sue! 
Sharie and I fought a lot.  I think I was nothing more than the bratty little sister.  In fact, when she started teaching at my high school, we all thought it was going to be a disaster.  The funny thing is, she became my best friend.  I loved having her there with me.  It was fun being her student!  As we grew up, I got married and she had a baby (she was already married).  About 18 months later, along came Ruthie.  This just brought us even closer.  She was my go-to when I was having mommy issues.  She is a great mother.  We also started scrapbooking.  We would get together and have scrapbooking nights.  Or at least try!  Usually Simon and Ruthie would fight and our nights would end early or we would just get NOTHING accomplished.  I sure miss those nights.  
I was SUPER close with my brother Joe, who was and still is my hero.  Growing up, he was my EVERYTHING.  My world spun on his shoulders.  He hung the moon. I used to think he would love me more if I was a boy.  I wanted to do nothing but impress him.  He taught me to ride the bike up Denning Hill and hooped and hollered when I made it, making a scene.  He would walk me to the middle of the hallway where I turned left and he turned right and would give me a kiss on the cheek every day.  He was the best.  He helped me through our trying times, and was always there to threaten to beat up my boyfriends if they hurt me.  In fact, Randall was more scared to meet Joe than my dad.  He just knew how much Joe meant to me. 
Here's the issue-  Sharie and her family moved a few towns away; just a little over an hour away.  Sad to say, we don't make it there often enough.  I miss her dearly.  We were working for the same school district.  She transferred schools, which I don't blame her at all.  It seemed like we saw each other a lot more often b/c we would meet up to deliver certain things or just to say hi.  I miss that.  I feel like she is so far away.  I didn't realize how much I did need her.  Yes, I realize an hour away isn't that far, but we are all so stinking busy.
Joe also moved about 1.5 hours away.  He is raising two precious girls and our sweet Eli.  It absolutely breaks my heart to watch them grow up through photos.  Don't get my wrong, I am FOREVER thankful for technology for this sole reason.  It's just hard b/c I never dreamed either Sharie or Joe would be so far away.  I really miss the both of them. I miss their spouses and their children.  It's funny how you take so many things for granted.  Growing up in such a small town, I just never thought we would all be spread out over the state.  I miss them so much.  I am very lucky to have Sue and George close by though!  I love this!  I have just had a really difficult time lately dealing with not having Sharie and Joe nearby.  However, I am VERY thankful for the time that we do have together.  I am thankful for all my siblings, their spouses, and their children.  General idea here- don't take your siblings for granted.  Enjoy every single moment you get with them and treasure it.  Make time for them.  Love you all!

Ruthie, Haley, Alex, & Simon

Haley, Alexis, Ruthie, and Josie

Been away...

I haven't posted in a while.  I have had so much going on lately, that a lot of things have taken a back seat.  I had another weekend class last weekend, a baby shower, a wedding shower, and a family get-together.  It's amazing how busy you can be without even realizing it.
Today, is a much needed stay-at-home day.  Sure, there are things we probably should go get like groceries and other items, but it can wait.  Randall and Randy are napping, Ruthie's crafting, and I am editing.
We received an amazing blessing.  Randall usually works 3 days on, 3 days off, with the 6th shift being a night shift.  This was tough.  One, Ruthie and I are away from home Monday-Friday, 7-4 basically.  Two, when he did get off it was at 7pm, then he would have to shower just to come home, eat dinner, and lay the kids down.  There was ZERO time together as a family.  Well, a few weeks back they asked if anyone was interested Monday-Thursday 7-5 hours.  Randall jumped at the opportunity.  He has always dreamed of being off when we are and being able to attend church each time the doors are open.  Sure, we will be missing out on some money, but money is NOT everything.  We would all much rather him be with us.  He's pretty excited!  He is also preaching tomorrow, so it's going to be a good day!
Things are still a bit tough, from the last time I posted.  Please keep up the prayers for us.  We have full faith that God will pull us through!

Cousins gathered around eating lunch!  It was SO nice to get together and see everyone!

My sweet girl just relaxing and drawing some pictures!

Randy hiding from me!

My sweet girl got an award at school!  I am so glad to see her doing so well! 

My hope is in You Lord

I am blessed beyond measures when it comes to this husband of mine.  He may drive me completely bonkers at times, but there are some times when he knows exactly what I need.  Today was just one of those days.  I was in a funk.  I get into funks quite often and sometimes, I get really, really down. I  won't sugar coat it, I am an emotional wreck.  I would NOT want to live with myself.  I would NOT marry myself. I am not the person I want to be.  I was just down today and I wanted nothing more than to crawl into my bed after the kids went to school and just lay there and cry.  But, life is in full swing and I had to get going.  I was in tears all morning.   Lunch time rolled around and I ran home to grab some lunch.  As soon as Randall saw me, he grabbed me and held me tight.  He knew exactly what I needed.  Yes, it sent me to tears, but I needed that hug so bad.  He knows I am down and he was there to pick me up.  I am forever grateful for him.  He knows just how to explain things to me to open my eyes.

I want to say that I fully trust God and always see the positive in everything and that I always have full faith.  I love it when my eyes are opened to see the full love of God.  I can sit her and tell you that I love God, I worship Him, and that He is my everything.  But, I am still a sinner.  I still fail Him.  I still don't understand why He loves me.  Today was a day when He opened my eyes to so much more.

As Randall holds me, he tells me that God has it all planned out. When He takes some things away, we can't cry and just give up as I was doing.  We have food, shelter, each other, and most importantly- God's love.  What else do we need?  Did I already know this?  YES.  Was I thinking this?  NO.  I was feeling all sorry for myself and letting material things get in the way.  God has me and will never let go.  Randall told me my hope and faith should be in Him and Him only.

As I drive back to work, God just put a song in my heart and again, made me realize how much He loves me.  Yes, things suck right now, but God is always right there....even through the sucky times.  My life is in You Lord, my strength is in You Lord, my hope is in You Lord!

Let me add that I know that what I am going through doesn't even begin to compare to what others are going through- cancer, adoptions, losing loved ones.  But, what makes God so awesome is it doesn't matter the severity, it just matters where your hope lies.  I am so thankful for the God I serve.  All I had to do was fall to my knees and ask for help.  Instead I laid there in self pity.  Thank you God for forgiving me.

I honestly don't know what I would do without a Godly husband.  He wouldn't have known just what to say.  My husband does because He serves God.  Thank you God for opening our eyes and pulling us back to You.

The transition...

We made it through two weeks of school.  Whew.  Wasn't sure we would, but we did.  I knew it would be tough, but to be honest, I think everyone is dealing with the transition pretty well.
Ruthie started 1st grade this year.  She moved from the Kindergarten Center to the Primary School which holds grades 1-3.  This was a big change for her.  She also went from riding the bus in the afternoon to riding it in the morning.  At first, I was a bit worried about it.  I would much rather take her to and from school, but it's just not smart to be honest.  We live about 10 miles from her school.  I work about 3 miles from my house.  So, I would be driving her to school (10 miles) and then back to work (7 miles) and then back to pick her up (another 10 miles) and then back home (the last 10 miles).  It just honestly didn't make sense. So, we decided to let her on in the morning so I am not rushed b/c I am one person who does NOT like to get up in the morning.  She doesn't seem to mind it too much.  I like her bus driver and I think he handles things well.  I think 1st grade will challenge her more.  I think Ruthie is super smart (and not just b/c she is my kid) but b/c she catches on well.  I am excited to watch her learn and grow.  She is reading to us every night and she is surprising us every time b/c she stretches her words out more and more.
Randy is going back to daycare.  I am super excited for him too b/c even though he resisted going, he is transitioning wayyyyy better than I imagined!  He isn't crying when I leave him and I love how they teach there.  He is going to learn so much.  I won't lie, I didn't do a lot of educational things with the kids this summer.  I gave their mind (and mine!) a break!
Being back at work, I am exhausted.  I love my job though.  I am truly blessed to have this job and work with the people I work with.  God has put me here for a reason and I think Him for that.  I miss my babies, but coming home to them makes me treasure them even more.
The transition has been a lot easier than I thought it would be.  I didn't cry too much!  There were a few shed tears, but what mom/school faculty is ready for summer to be over?! Now that schools here, it's football game time!  We enjoy going to the games.  It also means earlier bedtimes and less tv, so I happen to think that's a good thing.

Gonna leave you with a few fun photos from my sweet niece's birthday party!  It was a blast!

Thinking ahead....

My heart is heavy and full of joy today.  I have so much on my mind, I feel as though I can't concentrate.  I keep thinking about what's ahead in our lives.  I know we are to live in the moment, but after reading another blog today, my mind can't seem to focus.  Let me explain....
I have a friend I used to work with.  She traveled to Honduras during Spring Break.  There she met a VERY precious little girl.  After meeting her, she knew right then, she wanted her.  See, this precious little girl is in an orphanage.  She is unwanted.  My friend and her family want her.  Their hearts are crying out to her.  They want to give her what she needs.  Not just what she wants, but what she needs.  She doesn't have a home, a family, someone to love her forever, or a good supply of food.  My friend just wants to give her her basic needs, plus MUCH more.  Things aren't moving along as they had hoped, there are some trials, but God is still moving.
This morning, I was reading my favorite blog.  Ashley Ann is truly an inspirational mother and wife.  She loves with all her heart and knows how to put it into words that make you wonder what you are doing with your life and are you really making a difference. She lets her kids be kids.  She's crafty and just full of joy! I love her blog.  This morning I was excited to read about her trip to China where she met her daughter.  Ashley has been on an adoption journey for a while.  She has known for many years she wanted to adopt.  Today, I finally got to see photos of her little one.  My how my heart leaped with joy.  She is absolutely gorgeous.  Her smile melted my heart.  The photos of her looking into Ashley's eyes and seeing her new dad hold her with tear-stained cheeks.....there are no words.  It just makes me sit back and wonder, "what am I doing?  Am I making a difference?"  I am not saying you have to adopt to make a difference.  But something is moving in my heart.  I can't explain it.  I don't know if it has to do with all the pregnant people around me, traveling to Honduras, or reading about these adoptions.  I just know God is moving in my heart.  He is telling me something.  I need to be still and listen.  Randall and I have both been led to foster.  And the odd thing is, I think we are both leaning towards the youth.  Most people would prefer younger ones.  For some reason we both see us with teenagers.  We both have agreed to look into it a lot more in about five years.  We want to be financially stable.  We are far from it.  We want to be able to support these kids on our own.  We have no idea what fostering involves, we just know we want to be a part of it.  I know that there are so many out there without a mother or father.  It breaks my heart to know they feel unloved.  Working with the youth, I see so many craving attention.  It burdens my heart b/c I want to give it to them, but they want their parents.  I want to make a difference.  I want to do what God is calling me to do.  I want to give love where love is needed.
I realize this is a lot of rambling, but I am posting b/c I want to ask for prayers.  Pray for our family as we open our hearts and allow God to guide us and show us what He wants.  Not what we want, but what He wants.

Lots going on around here...

As you might have noticed from my Wordless Wednesday post here, we have been remodeling a room upstairs.  I wish I would have taken a photo before we started demolition!  Let's just say my husband is good at demo!  We have come a little bit further, but I need to take a photo!

Last night we met with Ruthie's teacher and a few of her classmates.  I think it is going to be a great year!  She seems super easy going, fun, and energetic, but also very laid back.  I think Ruthie will truly enjoy 1st grade.  Now, if you remember reading all my blog posts about kindergarten, you might remember my worries.  Let's just say they aren't any better.  She went from being with ALL kindergarten to being with 1st-3rd grade.  I am worried sick.  I was in tears walking in last night.  May sound silly to you, but I just don't do well with this whole growing up thing!

I haven't mentioned it here, but I am going on another mission trip to Honduras.  I honestly don't know if I posted about it the first time.  I don't think I ever shared photos either.  I am a bit upset b/c I believe I lost all of them by deleting them on accident..... the whole folder.  :(   Bummer.  I am super excited that I get the chance to go again.  I think I am more prepared and I have to say even more excited this time.  We get to hand out Shepherd Bags to four schools a day I believe and handing them out is so exciting.  I love seeing their little faces light up.  If don't mind, please be praying for me.  I will be leaving behind Randall and the kids, but I am excited for this adventure.  Nervous too, but extremely excited.

School will be starting soon and I am not ready.  Of course, you already know that though.  It's just a very difficult thing for all of us.  We all have to get into a whole new routine.  Please be praying for our family as well.

I also forgot to post that I lost 1 inch off my waist last week.  No pounds, and I was a bit bummed, but I am still going strong!  :)

And b/c I can't post without a photo.....  apparently I am obsessed with sleeping photos.  Yes, he is asleep with his eyes 1/2 open!

WE CONQUERED OUR FEARS!!!

That's right!  We conquered that fear!  Ruthie was terrified to jump off the diving board as you might remember from this picture- her pouting b/c she was too nervous.

Well, here she is jumping off the diving board!  Whoop whoop!  (I took this with my sister's iphone)

The SAME day, Randy conquered his fear too!  For some odd reason he would NOT get off the steps.  I remember Ruthie doing the same exact thing.  Stubborn kids.  They do this every year!  Well, here is Randy chilling out on the steps with my dad trying to convince him to get it....

And here he is conquering his fears too!  WOOOOHOOOOO!  (Taken with my sister's iphone) Now, we can all get in and cool off!

LOVE us some summer time fun!

Raising children...

This post has been on my mind for quite some time.  Today in Sunday School, God laid it on my heart to share.
We have been participating in a study by Chip Ingram called "Effective Parenting in a Defective World."  The title itself is perfect.  I was so excited to just begin.  I normally teach Sunday School for ages 8-10, but I asked to take some time off to study along with the adult SS class.
I am going to open my heart here.  It's a very difficult thing for me to talk about....
I have expressed my feelings here to be a stay-at-home-mom.  It's what I wish for.  But, God has made me aware that it is not possible at this time.  Who knows if it ever will be.  One reason I want to be a SAHM is so I can home-school Ruthie and Randy.  I absolutely hate the fact that I can't shield Ruthie's ears from the awful things she hears at school. I also hate the fact that she rides the bus with older kids and who even knows what they say.  It scares me to death.  I feel as though the moment Ruthie walked into Kindergarten, her innocence was lost in a way.  She has heard things that just bothered her, which in turn, bothered me.
With all that being said, the other day we were driving to school.  She brought up how her cousin goes to a Christian school.  She asked why she can't and I had to explain to her that it's just not something we can do at the time.  I told her I would love for her to go to school and have God be in her lessons and be surrounded by people who love God.  She cried and cried, which of course made me cry feeling like a failure.  Then, our great God laid it upon my heart to share with her something that I learned last summer from a dear family member of mine.    If we took all God loving Christian kids out of public school and put them into private school, who would teach the others about God?  Isn't that OUR job as Christians to spread His word?  I told her that school is her mission field.  I explained to her that there are kids that don't know God and who need someone to teach them.  I also told her that it's not the teachers job to teach her about God, but it's mine and Randall's job to teach her.  The amazing thing??  She remembered.  She was telling my sister that she wants to go to a Christian school, and she told her that she also needs to stay at her school and tell the kids about Jesus.  She WAS listening!!!
I am NOT saying that Christian private school is bad.  Not by any means.  Like my aunt told me last year- it all depends on the child.  If the child is a leader- they will probably succeed in public school.  If they are a follower, they will probably do better in private school.  Is Ruthie a leader or follower?  That I don't know just yet.  I would probably say right in the middle.  Am I still scared she is going to hear all kinds of things?  Yes.  We pray every morning before school and I pray as soon as I drop her off that God will protect her ears, hold her hands in the halls, and that angels will surround her.  I also pray that she always remembers that HE is the one who matters.
Raising children today is so hard b/c the world makes it so much easier to do things the worldy ways and not God's ways.  He doesn't want us to just shelter them to where they don't see it, but to allow them to see some, and teach them to be strong in their faith so when their tests come, they can stand firm in His ways.
It's my prayer that soon, Ruthie will ask Jesus into her heart.  She knows what it means to be saved.  She knows that He died on the cross for her, and that we are sinners, yet He loves us.  We just told her that soon Jesus will be knocking on her heart asking her to let Him come in.  I pray that she realizes it and that she opens her hear to Him.  He's worth everything.

Down...

I can't seem to get out of my rut.  I know that my last few posts have been there to help others, I can't say that I am doing it all perfectly either.  It's so easy to say that once you have God, things will get easier.  Things will, in a sense.

I have to say that lately, I have been down.  I am not sure what's going on, but I can't see to "get a grip."  I feel as though I go day by day, just trying to make it to bedtime.  Of course, I have a lot on my mind: finals, photography (have like a million to schedule!), kiddos, youth, my studies, work, and cleaning this house.  How do I climb out?  How do you just "wake up" and "get a grip?"

I know one way is to dive into the Word of God.  I also love prayer and worship.  My mornings are quite rushed.  I am exhausted when I go to bed and when I get up.  I drop Randy off at daycare, drive to Ruthie's school, drop her off in JUST enough time to fly to work and get there on time.  When I am flying to work- that's my worship time.  I know a lot of people may think I can't concentrate on God while driving, but I can.  In fact, it's like my little bubble.  I don't have anyone talking, just a conversation with God.  It's so nice.  After my prayers, I like to crank up my Chris Tomlin CD.  There is no better worship leader than him.  When I hear those words and praise Him, I know the Holy Spirit is there with me.  It's such a blessing.  I haven't been as consistent on my worship in the mornings.  I do my prayer, but as soon as I am finished, I let my mind wander to everything else.  I am thinking this is a reason I am down.

I wonder....what are some things you do to just lift yourself up out of the rut?  Hit me with some ideas!

With that being said, I can't help but post a photo.  Here is something that always makes me smile! (Don't know why, but blogger makes my photos look washed out....UGH!)

The hard part about my last post

is the fact that even though I know the information, it's so hard to put it into action.  I was thinking last night, why did I feel the need to post that?  Why did I feel the need to put my heart and personal life out in the open?  God answered me.  He made me realize that if we pretend all is well, and make people believe we have a perfect marriage, those who are struggling in their marriage won't even try to make it work.  They think that everything should be perfect, and if it's not, there is only one option- DIVORCE.  That is not true.  If you go into your marriage with God being the center, you CAN work it out.
When Randall and I got marriage, I am ashamed to say we weren't living a life that was honoring God.  We failed.  We barely even discussed our belief in God.  I thank God so much that He did have me marry a Christian.  We have turned our lives around.  We talk about God daily and we walk with Him daily.  The only kind of marriage that will work is a CHRIST-CENTERED marriage.  If you don't have Christ as your center, you will fail.  But, having Him as your center, does not mean you won't suffer.
Every morning, I have two beautiful ladies that I work with send out a text to start the morning off with God.  Here is what they said:
1) "Finishing the Work- It is better to finish something than to start it.  It is better to be patient than to be proud.  Ecclesiastes 7:8-- When you seek God's purpose for your life, you will experience your fair share of disappointments, detours, false starts, and failures.  When you do, don't become discouraged:  God's not finished with you yet.  Have faith that you play an important role in God's great plan for mankind-- because you do."  Again, another slap in the face.  Although I wrote that post yesterday, I struggled with being selfish again last night.  I cried myself to sleep, wondering how I can change and how I can fix myself, believing I basically failed.  This morning, this text comes through.  Think God had a hand in that?  Of course!  I was DOWN in the dumps this morning.  I wasn't smiling, I didn't want to talk to anyone.  This brought me up.
2) "My your heart find joy in trials knowing that there is not one thing you face without the hand of God.  Begin to see that burdens are a carefully laid plan to draw you closer, you will rejoice through the heartache that God cares enough to invest the time."  My trials last night, were drawing me closer to the Lord.  My tears made me depend on God instead of anyone else.  I always want to talk to someone.  When nobody listens, I get upset.  That's when I realize someone is ALWAYS listening.  God.  He's always there.
Just because your marriage my be rocky , don't give up.  Put Christ at the center, allow Him to work in your heart.

I am hoping to scan the paper I talked about in my last post and hopefully let it be a download.  I am not sure how to go about doing that, but I am going to try to figure it out.  I think it was such a blessing, and I want to pass along the blessing.

What I have learned

Marriage.  It all starts out as simple, fun, easy love right?  What does it grow into?  For some, divorce.  Others might have stress.  Some continue to stay in that perfect, over the moon love.  Others have to WORK to keep things going.  For Randall and I, it has taken work.  Do we love each other and always have?  OF COURSE!  That does not mean that we don't fall away from each other, get on each others nerves, and just nit-pick about everything.  In fact, this past year of marriage has been the hardest for me yet. I have and always will simply adore my husband.  In fact, I find it odd that this past year has been hard seeing that we have truly been blessed.  Randall has been called to serve God.  We stepped up and became youth leaders.  We have two precious kids who we love with all our hearts.  We both have decent jobs and a home.  What could be wrong?  LOTS.
To be honest, I felt as though we were just drifting along in marriage, not really focusing on US.  This is what happened once we had kids.  Are the kids to blame, no way.  But, we both realized we were working on parenting and our relationships with the kids, rather than both our relationships with the kids AND OUR relationship.
I have a very sweet lady that I work with hand over a piece of paper about marriage.  Her husband passed away, and she was going through some marriage books and found this simple piece of paper.  Who would have thought that a simple, old, folded up piece of paper would make such a difference?  I got to looking at it, and realized it was a questionnaire.  One side was full of questions the wife is supposed to ask her husband on what she is doing well, and what she is not doing so well when it comes to being a wife. The other side is the same, just for the husband to ask the wife what he is doing wrong/right.  To be honest, I took one look at it, and thought it would be a good thing for Randall to look at to see what I need.  All this time I thought I was being a really great wife and meeting all his needs.  Ha...what a smack in the face I got that night.   I finally grab him and we get to looking at it.  I told him to just be honest with me and answer the right.  Let me just say it hurt.  It hurt bad.  Words can't describe the pain it caused that night.  I went to bed just heart broken realizing that I have let down my husband.  Did I do everything wrong?  No, but I sure was doing a lot wrong that I felt I was doing right.  It was a humbling experience to say the least.
A few weeks before, I was thinking about how our relationship was not what it should be, so I bought the book Love Dare.  I am sure if you have seen the movie "FireProof", you know what I am talking about.  It's a 40 day journey, taking very small steps to improve your marriage.   It has taken my hard heat and softened it, and I am only 4 days into the journey.  I am not doing it daily, like it says, but I am taking it slowly and learning on how these simple steps mean so much.  One day was focused on selfishness.  This was the one that totally rocked my world.  All this time I had been focusing on what I need, convincing myself he has what he needs.   I sat him down, apologized and told him I see it now.  He said he wants to start making steps to be a better husband, but the one thing I am learning from the book is, by me making small steps to show him love and respect, he will in turn do the same, without thinking.  He knows I am reading it and trying.  It's not a secret.  Sometimes I think the world thinks that when a marriage needs work, it should all be hush hush. I don't believe that.  I used to think, why in the world are we suffering while we are serving God.  We can't let anyone know.  I have changed that outlook.  I am here to say, marriage takes work.  It's hard.  A woman's job is to allow him to be a leader, and be submissive.  
With that being said, I will leave  you with one verse I keep beside me.  
Proverbs 31:26- "When she speaks, her words are wise and kindness is the rule for everything she says."

I pray that whoever reads this blog (if anyone) realizes that marriage is a two way street.  It's so easy to point the finger, but just remember, you have four more pointing back at you.  Take time for each other.

Been a while...

We took a break from the internet, tv, video games, and constant technology.  I kept my phone on, but relied on it less.  It was a nice little break.  Just what we needed.  Randy is ADDICTED to "PV" so he was the main reason we turned it off.  Did he ask for it every.single.day?  YES!  But, he got over it.

I have so much going on in my mind right now, this post could go on and on.  Seriously.  I feel overwhelmed with so much.  I will be blogging it b/c this is like my little place to write about life.  I want it to be real.  Not just all happy happy joy joy thoughts.  I want it to be real life.  Something happened to me yesterday that totally woke my happy hiney up.  It hurt.  I am still struggling with it.  But, I know that through Him, He will help me correct and change it.  I don't plan on blogging about it right now, mainly b/c it's still a fresh wound and I am not ready to pour salt on it.  So, that will be another post in the future.

I do have TONS of pictures to share, so I will randomly pick a few to share with the posts that are coming up. For now, I would like to just share a few of my babies.  They make me smile.  They help me realize one of the many reasons I am here on this earth.  God trusted me to raise them to love and honor Him.  I pray that I can do just that.

I realize he's a bit out of focus, but seriously, how could I not edit this one?  He was still for like oh, .000005 seconds!

  Yes, this is the joy of my life.  She made me a mother.  She is such a blessing.

 PRECIOUS.  No other words can describe how this photo makes my heart SWELL with love!

 Um, all boy?  Yes!  he could care less about photo shoots!

 Thanks goodness, she is WILLING!  :)  Love this one of her!

Life Lately

It's been hectic around here lately.  I know I am not alone in this!  I am reading blog after blog of everyone's holiday busy-ness.

I have been signing up for classes (FINALLY going back to college), shopping, wrapping, praying, reading, cleaning, decorating, working, clicking (my camera!), and all sorts of stuff.  We are almost finished with Christmas shopping.  I know we are with the kids except for their gift for each other.  We also have our parents to buy for.  That's not too hard though!  I am cleaning b/c we are having Randall's Christmas here at our house.  Have to clean for that right?!?! AND decorate!  I have completed one photoshoot this December and I have a wedding to shoot Friday night!  Yes, you read that right- a wedding.....  I am NOT a professional and she is totally aware of it.  She said if I didn't do it, they would just take some photos themselves, so I agreed.  I am so nervous, but super excited!

I wanted to post on Christmas traditions.  Growing up, our Christmas traditions included tip-toeing down the stairs in the middle of the night (my brothers and sisters and I) and looking through the tissue paper (Santa wraps in tissue paper at my parent's house) and seeing what we got, and then tip-toeing back up to bed so excited!  That was basically it.  I am not complaining! I have great memories of this!

I wanted to start some traditions at my home too.  We do the whole new jammies thing and they open it on Christmas Eve.  I mainly do this b/c I want their jammies to be cute for Christmas pics! (True photographer huh?!)  I am thinking of getting them a new Christmas book and letting them open this on Christmas Eve as well.  My other thought is an advent type thing.  I have seen MANY ideas on Pinterest, but I don't know what I want to do!

My favorite tradition has got to be the one that Emily Anderson does.  Here is a link to her blog.  Santa puts a little scrap of wrapping paper in each child's stocking (wayyyyy in the bottom) and that style of wrapping paper, is what their gifts are wrapped in.  I just LOVE this idea!  She has way more kids ( and patience) than I, but I still think it would be fun!

The other tradition I have read a few times about is getting the child only THREE gifts.  Yes, you read this right- three gifts.  This represents the three gifts the wise-men brought to Jesus.  One they NEED, one they WANT, and one that's a surprise!  I think this is the right way to go seeing that it's so easy to fall into the trap of materialism during Christmas.  I know I have posted on it before, but it bugs me that I feel as though I have to buy tons of stuff for my kids and I fall for it.every.year.  It frustrates me to no end.  I realize we can't start this year, b/c the presents are already bought, but I am seriously gonna give this some thought and some SERIOUS prayer for next year.

What are your traditions you carry on for your family?!?!


Speaking of materialism- this was on FB the other day, and well, I wanted to share again.

A Quote

This quote was on FB by a dear friend and it hit me pretty hard.

" If Satan can't make you bad, he's just fine with making you busy."


This is so true.  This was posted for me to see.  I believe that 100%!  God is working on me.  I have been studying on how to be a better wife.  I think it's opening my eyes on how to be a better mother too.  One verse that stood out to me was Proverbs 31:26- "When she speaks, her words are wise and kindness is the rule for everything she says."  I am not always kind.  I tend to get frustrated quite often.  I struggle with my attitude the moment I walk through the door.  I am here to say I am not perfect.  I want to be a better mother, wife, and child of God.

Today, I took a step.  I realize I work out of the home, but I know stay-at-home-moms are busy too.  I tend to get wrapped up in life, laundry, and the net.  It's a struggle for me.  Today, as soon as we got home, we played outside for a bit.  The kids rode their scooters and bikes (on the front porch b/c that's all the pavement we have around here!) and Randy just about fell off the porch backwards, so I had to put an end to all that.  I pushed them on the tire swing.  We went for a walk down the dirt road and picked up trash.  We even grabbed a blanket and laid out on the trampoline and sang songs. This is what God wants me to do as a mother.  NOT play on the net, read other books, play the Wii, or even be caught up in laundry.  He wants me to raise them right, teach them HIS way, and spend time with them while they still want me to.  Business tends to pull you away from what God wants.  It pulls us to what WE want, but not what HE wants.  I see this everywhere.  It's a struggle for the world.  I just pray that as women, we take the time out and spend it with what truly counts- God & family.

Praise You In This Storm

This song has been our motto for the past few weeks.  It just seems like we can not get ahead of anything.  satan is attacking, but we are retaliating with God.  We are part of His army and will not allow him to win.

It's been a struggle for sure.  First off, our fridge quit working.  The freezer was doing ok, but not the fridge.  We were waiting to figure out what it was, but Randall was working, so he had LITTLE time to work on it.  We finally figure out the problem.  They thought they had a used part, but nope.  We had to order it new, which meant we were going to have to wait 3 more days.  We were living out of the ice chest, but all our food was at our amazing Grandad's.  I was so thankful (and still am!)  for that man!  It was hard b/c first off- I HATE cooking.  Second off, I HATE planning what to cook, and third off- I had NO clue what food was at Grandad's.  Needless to say it was tough.  I found myself in tears at many times.  But, I remembered there are people all over the world who don't even have an ice chest, let alone a house to live in.  I praised Him for my blessings, but I also praised Him for my trials.  Sure, it wasn't easy, but when you have God on your side, you will WIN.

We have a family retreat coming up.  I am soooooo stinking excited about this.  It will be at the same place we have our women's retreat (more on that later!).  The best part- TRAVIS PLUMLEE is our guest speaker.  This man is awesome.  He is a bit hard to digest at times, but he speaks the truth, and if you listen you will be moved...no doubt about it.  The bad part- Randall has to work.  Yes, satan is attacking again. But, we are going to stand strong and try to understand why Randall can't go.  I can promise I will share every.single.detail to Randall.

Friday night is gonna be one of the best nights ever!!!  Ruthie, some from our church, my aunt, cousins, and I are attending a CHRIS TOMLIN concert!  WOOOO HOOO!  I can not wait!  I wish Randall could attend, but again, he has to work.  I am so thankful for a hard working man though.  Such an awesome man of God I have!

Please be praying for us during this time.  No, trials are never easy.  Yes, I fell short many, many times, but I always had the Holy Spirit working in me, helping me know it will all be ok.  When tough times hit- remember- PRAISE HIM.

With God...

Everyone has heard the verse- "With God all things are possible" right? I was reading it tonight b/c I was needing some help from God. Struggles and tribulations are usually when this verse is used.
To be honest, it hit me in a different way tonight. Probably b/c I read above it and below it.
This verse is talking about salvation. The Lord says that it's hard for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven.  There are many people out there who actually believe it's what you have in this life or what you do in this life.  That's not the truth. 
People, the Lord goes on to say that it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God.   That doesn't sound easy at all right?
What does that mean to you?
His disciples were a bit confused, maybe you are too.  They asked, "Who can be saved?"
What Jesus was saying (see, the red words ARE the coolest!), is that with man, it is IMPOSSIBLE, but with God it is POSSIBLE.  If you want to enter the kingdom of God, then I suggest you to search your heart and see what God is leading you to do. 

You see, salvation is only through God.  It's not through man, good works, or what you have here on Earth.  The ONLY thing you can take to heaven is your loved ones.  That is it.  Period. 

I was struggling with some things tonight, and I went and searched for this verse.  God did lead me to fall on my knees and hand it over to Him.  Give it all to Him and believe He can handle it.  But, He also gave me this lesson in which I felt lead to post.

Updates and photos

First off, I just want to thank everyone from the bottom of my heart for all the prayers and warm wishes. I feel so loved and so blessed to have friends and loved ones to pray for our family. I truly appreciate it.

I want to update everyone on the family-

We are all doing better. Some days are better than others though. I am sure that's with any loss. It's just been hard b/c it was so sudden and tragic. His mom, sister, and brother are all doing okay. They are staying close, which is what they need.

The memorial gave me some closure, but there are days where it doesn't seem real. I can't exactly explain it, but the Lord is giving me strength to keep going.

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Everything else is pretty good. I am still working part-time at the grocery store. I really enjoy it, but it's temporary. I need a better paying job. I am still holding out for an aide position. I still don't know much, but I do know that they haven't hired anyone yet, so at least that is good news.

Ruthie is adjusting well to daycare. She doesn't cry when I drop her off anymore. She looks really sad, but she doesn't cry. I just remind her that Mommy will be back later. She's actually teaching the other kids in her class that. She's so goofy! I've also been talking her up on the way there, reminding her to be a big girl like Haley, and so far so good! She learning tons of new stuff. She only goes part-time b/c Randall works 3 on, 3 off, so when he's off, he has her. They are enjoying their time together, which I think they need. She got her first hair cut the other day. Her Sunday School teacher cuts hair, so I thought it would be a good idea to have her cut it. She was thrilled to go see Mrs. Debbie and get her hair cut, but once we got there, she wouldn't sit in the chair. I sat with her, but she did good. I am including pics from after the haircut.

I never shared pics from our trip to Branson, so I am including those as well. A

Again, I truly appreciate your thoughts and prayers. It means a lot to me and my family. Thanks again.

Another loss-

I haven't updated in a while, but it's because our family has suffered another traumatic loss. It's been a rough year, and I just pray that things will get better.

My cousin Eli, was hit by a train early last Friday (7.11.08) morning. It just doesn't seem real. He and a couple of girls were driving down the dirt road and they stopped to let the train by. Eli got out of the car, and decided to scare the girls and do a train dodge. He jumped, but it was too late. Eli was so fun and such a daredevil. I am just heartbroken that it took his life. He was only 25 years old. He was my favorite cousin. I spent all my childhood with him. He was my best friend. We played ninja turtles, rode our bikes to town, went swimming, visited neighbors, spent our snow days together, and enjoyed our lives together. He was so much fun. He loved playing pranks, and scaring the crap out of everyone. There are many stories about him, but the ones that stand out to everyone are the pranks he pulled on them.

He lost his dad less than a month before. He has a girlfriend, a son who is almost 2, a mother, an older brother and a younger sister. Everyone is devastated, including the whole town. It's been a rough week.

Last night was his memorial. It was held at his workplace (a restaurant). They were his family too. He worked there for over 10 years. It was very hard walking in there b/c there were so many people. I had a rough time, but by the end, we were hearing stories of his pranks and we were all laughing. It's what he would have wanted.

Please keep our family in your thoughts and prayers. This was such a tragic accident that we are all pretty torn up. There are moments where it seems real, and moments where it doesn't. He was so loved. I just pray that Ruthie and his son can grow up and share their lives together just as Eli and I once did.

This is a photo of Eli and I on my wedding day.

SUMMER VACATION!

We are loving the warm weather and family time! I hope everyone else is too! We have been swimming, playing volleyball, badmitten, and cooking out. We had Randall's family over the other night and we cooked out and played outside. Ruthie had so much fun with Amethyst! They rode in her Jeep and crashed into a few things! Ruthie can not drive that thing, but it sure was cute watching her try! She knew how to push on the gas, but she couldn't figure out how to steer. She was running into trees, the porch, and the slide. I couldn't help but laugh! Randall, Steph, Ski, and I played a few games of volleyball and badmitten. I STINK at volleyball, but it sure is fun trying! I got a good workout that's for sure!

My mom and dad opened their pool, so we have had tons of fun swimming over there with cousins. My sister Sharie and I keep our other sister's kids, Haley and Alex during the summer. Ruthie adores them and she has a ball playing with them. She never wants them to leave, and if when they do, she just wants to go with them. It's fun watching them together.

My brother is moving away. He's only moving 2 hours away, but it's still sad. I have 2 sisters and 2 brothers, and neither of them have lived far away. We've always lived really close to each other. It's breaking my heart. They have two little girls and with gas being so high, we won't see each other often. My brother and I are pretty close, so it's going to be hard. Just keep them in your prayers please.

Church is going well. I said recently that I am teaching Sunday school. It's going well. I am really enjoying this and I believe it is making me work harder. Although I am teaching younger kids, I am learning too. I am also a teacher for VBS, so I am really looking forward to that too! I just hope that I can get everything together! There's a lot to do, but I am ready for it!